In Rememberance

Six years ago today was the hardest day of my life. On August 18, 2001 Frank Burgan died (Matt's dad), I know it is a gloomy subject to talk about, but isn't that what this bloggin' is all about? Sharing what we go thru in life? Matt's and I had just gotten engaged on June 16, 2001 and is dad was fine. On August 15th he started to complain that he just wasn't feeling right. Apparently he was having pain in his lower abdomen. He was admitted to the hospital and doctors ran tests. They found a 7 cm aneurysm in his abdomen. Typically someone does not survive when they get to about 5 or 6 cm and his was 7 cm. So, the doctors were "supposed" to do surgery on him, but Frank had emphesemia (spelling?) and had some heart problems. They had to make sure his heart could withstand a surgery, well then they found they would need to put a stent in his heart. Frank did not want Matt to come home ( we live 3 hours from Mansfield) because Matt had just started a new job. So, Matt did what his dad wanted. In fact, we didn't find any of this out until Matt's mom called on Friday, August 17th.

All of us didn't think this would be any big deal, but I truly believe the doctor did not give as much information as he should have. On Saturday evening Matt and I were at my house (a.k.a my parents house) watching t.v. and he was going to stay the night because it was thunderstorming REALLY bad. Heavy sheets of rain, in fact, in Mansfield they lost power so his mom couldn't call us until a few hours after he died. Around 11 pm the phone rang, I picked it up at the same time as my mom and I will never forget what Pam said....she said "Matt's dad passed away this evening" I couldn't even talk, I just started crying and handed the phone to Matt. Matt got on the phone with his mom and he started balling, I have never seen him cry so hard. It was awful, I couldn't do anything for him. What do you do? Thankfully I have not had to go thru it personally, but as much pain as I felt for Matt losing his father I cannot imagine how it must feel when your the one losing the parent. Matt just wanted to be alone. As much as I wanted him NOT to drive so upset, he wanted to go to his house (in Clifton) to be alone. I couldn't stop him. HOw do you? He just found out his dad died. How do you tell someone no, you can't drive! I made sure he called me when he got home. The next day we headed to Mansfield. I drove because the rawness was still there and I didn't want Matt to drive 3 hours. We found out the details from his mom when we got there. Apparently Frank was doing great, joking around with the nurses and wanted to get the surgery over with (this was Saturday, he was "supposed" to have surgery on Monday) Pam bought him some scatch off lottery tickets and he had them in his hand getting ready to scratch them off. She had just finished shaving his face and he asked her to get him a towel, she turned to get the towel and that quick, it was over. His aneurysm burst, he was in no pain. I think he must have known when asking Pam to get him a towel that he was about to die. He never did scratch off his lottery tickets and still to this day they have not been scratched off because Pam put them in the casket with him!

A LOT of people showed up for his funeral. I told myself I was going to be the strong one, I was not going to cry, I was there to have Matt or Pam or Bruce (Matt's brother) cry on my shoulder. I did great, until Matt decided he wanted to recite a poem he wrote. He asked the priest when the mass was over if he could read this and he did. It was the most heart wrenching poem! It was beautfiul, but I lost it. I cryed so hard to hear the man I love, who I was planning to spend the rest of my life with in so much pain. To hear him speak so beautifully about his father, I knew he was the man for me! (Well, I already knew he was the man, but this just reinforced it!) We got thru the service and his mom had a gathering at her house afterwards. We were looking in the paper and Frank's obituary was in the paper and so was Matt and mine's engagement picture that we submitted. They both came out the same day in the same paper.

Its still hard for me to think about Frank not being here. He wanted nothing more than the best for Matt. He didn't get to see us get married, even though he was there watching over us. He was biting at the bit for a grandchild, but will never get to hold her in his arms. I think he was there when Olivia was born, there is a picture we have of her that looks EXACTLY like Frank. In fact, people who see the picture are amazed how much she looks like him in that picture! Its his way of letting us know he is watching over us and is watching Olivia. I think he would be proud of Matt.