The past week has been pretty rough at nighttime. Olivia falls asleep so easily and I am doing the same thing, nothing has changed. Around 9 pm I give her her last bottle (usually 4-6 oz with cereal, sometimes a little less) She falls asleep as soon as she is finished and I hold her for a little while. I then lay her down and she is in a deep sleep. I go to bed after I lay her down and usually she sleeps until 7 the next morning. Well the past week she will be sound asleep for a couple of hours and then wakes up crying and sitting up in bed. I usually wait a minute or two before going in her room, but I don't want to wait too long because Matt has to work all day. I then go in to get her, feed her a couple ounces and she falls right back to sleep. Monday at her appointment I talked about this with her doctor and he says to let her cry it out. Easier said than done! He said he's let his kids cry for 45 minutes before they fall asleep again. I just can't find myself to do that! It feels so cruel to me. So lastnight it happened again, only she slept a little longer than she has been. I swear my body must know she is about to wake up because lastnight I woke up around 1:55 am and at 2:02 am she started her crying. I went to get her, fed her and she fell back to sleep. I started to take her back to her room when she started crying again. I wanted to see if she would self soothe herself back to sleep. She cryed for about 10 minutes then fell asleep. I carried her back into her room and she slept until 6:40 am.
I feel like I am doing what is best for her, but when things like this happen multiple nights in a row I feel like such a failure. Has anyone else been thru something similar? Does anyone else have any suggestions to what I should do????
10 comments:
Well, personally, I never had any night time issues with my boys in the middle of the night other than when they were one to two months old. The only time they would have issues of waking in the middle of the night is when they were sick and I always went to them and stayed with them until they were sleepin comfortably again.
In you situation, my personal choice would be to go to her and maybe hold her, rub her back and soothe her and then lay her back down but I wouldn't dare let my kids cry for 45 mins or "CRY IT OUT" I just don't think that is emotionally healthy at all. I know alot of docs recommend the Ferber method and I totally disagree with it when they are infants. For all you know, she could be having bad dreams, or something may be hurting her or whatever. I think you are doing a great job and what is best for her. That's just MY opinion though.
Sonya will have some info on the Ferber method, she has done that with her kids as her doc recommended. So she can give her opinion on that as well. I say keep doing what you are doing!
I am probably not a good one to give advice - I was never able to let my kids cry it out either when they were that little. However, when I finally did let Gavin cry it out (at around 15 mos.) that is when he FINALLY started sleeping through the night. 45 minutes seems like a little much - Gavin gave in after only 10-15 minutes, but once he got into a big boy bed the sleep issues started again. I couldn't do it again with Avery though. I know they are fine to cry for a little while, but it always broke my heart. However, at the same time I'm probably paying for it now because my kids still aren't very good sleepers and maybe they would be if I had let them self soothe a little more and a little sooner. Who knows - it's all about what you're comfortable with.
I wouldn't feel like a failure for loving your baby. Girl you are a good mother who is even asking advice to try to be better. You certainly are not a failure. As for sleeping I am so the wrong person to give advice, Ryan slept with us for the first 2 1/2 years of life. Once he was that old he got a big boy bed and we bribed him with toys to sleep in it, it worked and everything is fine now.
I would love to type a long response but I have so much to do for tonight that I can't. I promise, I'll be back.
Be careful not to have her relying on you to sleep or the intervals will get closer and closer together..I am positive of that.
Ok, I'm one for letting her cry it out. I would go in there if you think she might be hurt or need a diaper change or something like that, but otherwise I'd let her cry a little to see if she falls asleep. I know I have done it before and I was sitting crying right along with him. It is very hard to listen to and if you can't stand it any longer then go to her. But give her some time before you go to her. See how long it takes before she falls asleep. It really might not be that long.
I say, don't start something now that'll be hard to break her of later.
Do what you think is best for you and your daughter though. But just know if she gets used to you coming in there every night, she's going to keep doing it. You can usually tell by her cry whether she is hurt or just crying for attention.
Good luck!! You are not a failure! EVERY mother feels that way at some point and we aren't failures. We do the best we can and know how to do. We are learning as we go - kids don't come with instruction manuals and you just have to go with your gut feeling as to what to do. Take all of our comments into consideration, talk it over with Matt and stick to your choice!! You are a wonderful mother!!
it sounds like she's waking up because she's hungry. maybe try feeding her more cereal before bedtime?
i'm not a good one to ask either. we never really let tanis cry it out. a few of the psych classes i took said that for the first year or so, a baby needs to know that someone is there and ready to respond when they cry. this may be spoiling the baby, but it seemed to make sense to me!
good luck!
Don't feel like a failure most of all because you love your daughter and want the best for her. That is still more rare than not today.
I am afraid to give my opinion since it is WAY different from most of your blog readers but I will briefly.
I am convinced (from my doctor and seeing children around me) that when a child can put themselves to sleep alone, that it filters into everything in their lives. When you see a very attached child to their mother at a young age like 2, most of the time, that child even sleeps with mommy. It is amazing how much different it is just by learning to sleep alone. Obviously, Olivia is very young and does not have problems yet but it only gets harder to get them to sleep alone. Ferber is almost foul proof if you do it right BUT I also do not think you would ever do it. If a mom hesitates, she usually will not do all the steps it takes to do ferber correctly. We did it full force with Sammy at 4 months and it worked perfectly. The first night, he screamed 45 mins, then the next 30, then 20 and then he smiled as we laid him down night after night...it was that easy. Sawyer slept with us when he was young for various reasons but I was convinced (as you may rememebr from my posts then) that he would also sleep alone so he could know that he was capable of something so "big". It worked very easily and he is in his own crib now. He does get up a lot lately so we may need to re-do some of our methods. When I brought up to a group of moms once that my dr. said that you can tell which kids sleep with their parents every night by their actions, all the moms started referring to people they knew and agreed (for the most part of course). I am very happy that Sammy will leave me easily. will stand up in church and pray with everyone, will sing on stage. I really contribute it to sleeping independantly therefore feeling like he can put on his shoes alone...blah blah blah. It filters down. It is almost just the base of independance. It sounds crazy but look around at people you know. A child lays in the bed and has to come up with all these skills to sooth themselves. Heck yeah they cry. It isn't easy but neither is sitting alone in kindergarten, or waiting your turn in a line. it starts developing right there in that crib.
As far as crying it out is concerned, i say don't do it then if you are bothered by it. BUT, I would continously try and put her back in her bed every night. DOn't give up and let her just sleep with you because it is easier. We got in that habit and Sawyer became so clingy to us. The actual crying it out is not the issue for me. It is the sleeping alone and gaining life skils that are hard to learn when someone is supervising us constantly like we are all other parts of the day. Our kids need that space I think. But, that is my opinion. If it takes 4 years to get them there, fine. Eventually they need their own bed....
I do agree never to bring your child into your bed........I made that mistake when Daws was 3 and it was a hard habit to break. Daws was always able to put himself to sleep initially, I never rocked him to sleep and I ALWAYS laid him down while he was awake........that helped tremendously. The only time he ever woke up crying in the middle of the night was when he was sick or had bowel issues.
Now Cam, I never had sleeping issues with him at all. He slept through the night at 4 weeks and never woke up in the middle of the night unless he was sick. He was a great sleeper.
As far as independence goes, Cameron has never been an independent child. He always wanted help with everything and was afraid to try anything on his own. Dawson is much more independent as far as doing things on his own and not wanting help with stuff but he is very clingy to me at times. So, I think that every child is different and not ONE certain method is best for all kids. They are all people with their own personalities and it's important to do what works for YOUR child.
Ryan is a very independent child as far as he does everything for himself. He wants help with nothing. He has separation anxiety that was brought on by medication. He is struggling very hard to control it but it has nothing to do with him sleeping with us. He told me to leave when I dropped him off at preschool, he smiled and waved goodbye his first day of kindergarten, very happy. At about 3 he started sleeping in his own and putting himself to sleep, we put him in his bed and kissed him good night. We did let him watch TV until fell asleep. But he did it himself. Now we did bribe him in the beginning. Until his separation anxiety everything was great. Now we let him fall asleep in our family room and carry him up to his bed.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I will keep everyone up to date on how things are going.
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