I really don't know where to begin with this, so I hope I make sense as you read. I have a friend whom I used to work with and still stay in contact with. Her and her husband have tryed for a baby for several years and she is now pregnant and due in February. Well, its hard to explain this and maybe its just me being too sensitive, but she acts like she is the only person in the world who is expecting a baby. Or is it she acts like Olivia doesn't exist? We mostly stay in contact thru e mail and I always send her a Christmas card and vice versa. When I found out I was pregnant last year I emailed her and several other friends that I mostly contact thru e mail. Everyone I emailed sent a reply back saying Congratulations except for "Sally" (thats not her real name, but I don't want to mention her real name) When I had my ultrasound I did the same thing to let everyone know we were having a girl and again, no response from Sally. Then my sister threw my baby shower. I invited Sally, but she just so happened to have a Pampered Chef party or something of that nature the same day as my shower. We did get together about a month before I had Olivia. We went to Olive Garden and she bought my dinner and brought Olivia a gift. I thought it was very nice and thoughtful.
When I had Olivia I made A TON of phone calls to family and friends while I was in the hospital. I was unable to call everyone on my phone list because of visitors, my doctor coming to check on me, nurses, pediatricians and I wanted rest and to spend time with my new little bundle. So, I called the people who are the closest to me and my family. Everyone else I emailed when I got home, Sally being one of them. Again, everyone responded congratulating me and giving me advice etc...except Sally. Up until recently her "attitude" or whatever you call it hasn't bothered me. But I have sent her pictures of Olivia, I update her on things she has done and she never responds to any of it and its beginning to hurt my feelings.
When she found out she is pregnant she emailed me and several people telling us her news. I did the natural thing and responded with a congratulations blah blah blah. When she found out the sex (girl) she did the same thing and I again congratulated her blah blah blah. Well, a few weeks ago I emailed her and asked if she would want to get together sometime before the baby is born for lunch at Olive Garden (its her favorite restaurant) and I will bring Olivia so she can meet her (since she's never offered that she wanted to meet her) when she responded she said "You had me at Olive Garden" no mention of wanting to meet Olivia or nothing. So, today she emails me asking for my address. When I replied with it I also mentioned Olivia took her first step...again, nothing. Its really starting to bother me that she is only thinking of herself. Am I being too sensitive? Should I even care? Maybe our personalities are just too different...I like to congratulate people and hear about their babies and kids. All I know is she has hurt my feelings with the way she doesn't respond...is that dumb? I don't know. I know she will most likely invite me to her shower and I don't know if I'll go. Maybe I'll have a Pampered Chef party that day :)
7 comments:
It does seem a little odd that she keeps forgetting to mention Olivia. I don't know exactly how to interpret that. Maybe she's just not a "baby" person and after she has her own in her arms, she'll be more into it. I don't know. I think you're doing the right thing, by trying to be so kind to her eventhough she has hurt you. I would've probably just let it go and not responded to her as well, but I'm just like that!! SM
Let us know how lunch goes, maybe she'll surprise you and be really good to Olivia.
I am interested to see how lunch goes too.
Maybe she was too wrapped up in her own trying to conceive to come to the shower and all, but I can't explain why she is still acting that way.
I would give it a go at lunch and if she is still offensive, then maybe you should just distance yourself.
I don't know what else, but I would probably feel the same way.
Well I was going to say as I first started to read your blog that it is very hard to see people younger than you or married less time than you getting pregnant when you are trying so hard. I never ignored people's children but it was hard when friends came back from their honeymoon pregnant or especially people who weren't married and got pregnant. Who knows, I mean you'd think she'd be all in to babies now that she is having one. Some people just have to have all the attention on them all the time.
The only thing I can think of is that since she doesn't have her own child yet is that she doesn't realize how important those things are yet. Honestly, I didn't realize what a big deal things like that were until I had kids of my own and I started treating other kids achievements with alot more praise (that's not the right word I'm looking for but I'm sick and it will have to do:). Hopefully the way she acts towards Olivia will change once she has her own and realizes what a shchmuck she's been! But, it would hurt my feelings too.
I totally agree with Amy! I'm thinkin she just doesn't get the importance yet but she will once she has her own.
as someone who's been there, it's possible that it just was too hard to acknowledge someone else's baby when she was trying so hard to have one of her own. I had a hard time looking at pictures of other babies after my first miscarriage, and just couldn't be around them in person at all.
as far as ignoring olivia now that she is pregnant, i don't know. like everyone else said, maybe she's too wrapped up in her own baby to pay attention to someone else's. i agree, though, meet for lunch and see how it goes. maybe she's just scared that her own pregnancy won't work out.
I have a different take. When you can't have a baby, it sucks. you feel like crap and you get sick of feeling happy for others. IT IS NOT OKAY but you feel like it is because you are paying a price. My passion in life is children so I can't imagine not be interested but I did feel sick when yet another person in my life was blessed with a baby. I am right with kellie in saying, she probably couldn't stomach commenting on her.
When I found out I was pregnant with Sawyer, I had a close person to me stop talking to me totally. She was mean and rude at first and then never called. i couldn't figure it out for the longest time. Finally it hit me that it was because she wanted a second child and couldn't and I was. It killed me but I couldn't let it spoil my joy.
As far as her thinking she is the only one who has been pregnant, i say for sure you are being too hard on her about that. I mean i thought that I was the only one many times. i am sure people were rolling their eyes out of their heads when I was wearing maternity clothes at 3 months. It was new to me.
If she is rude, it is unacceptable but just not responding might have been her way of trying to forget about it. Now that she is pregnant, you would think that she would be really checking out other babies to check the water before jumping in. I would flat out say something to her. I do think by doing the right thing, like you are, you are teaching her the right way to act with a pregnant friend.
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