I think I have a few minutes while Olivia is sleeping to post a bit. Well, I have had a couple things weighing heavy on my heart lately and I want to share my thoughts and feelings. My work is NOTORIOUS for gossip. Its a bunch of women who like to gossip. I've done it and so has EVERYONE who has worked at TPSG.
Ever since I started back in May there have been rumors flying all over about Amy and Dr. Williams. Amy is Dr. Williams new surgery scheduler. At first I didn't pay any attention to it, but then started to notice things. Or, so I thought I was noticing things. I now think its the rumors that got me thinking one way. Anyway, they always seem very flirty and she will bring him Starbuck's and vice versa. Things have gotten so carried away with what people think is going on that other offices started asking questions to another woman I work with. Bottom line we all think (or thought) they are sleeping together. I really tried to stay out of it, but I got sucked into the gossip. I feel terrible about it. I have said things I regret saying about Amy because she considers me her friend. What kind of friend am I for talking behind her back?
Amy is going thru a divorce and the night her husband told her he doesn't love her Amy called me. She didn't call any of her 4 sisters, she called me. She said she felt like she had no one else to turn to.
Well, this past Thursday I had a breakthrough with Amy. We got to talking about all the gossip in the office and that she is aware of people talking about her and Dr. Williams. I apologized to her for how people have treated her and gossip about her and I admitted in getting into the gossip too. I feel bad for Amy. She has a 8 1/2 month old baby she hardly sees and is going thru a divorce all at the tender age of 22. She has had to grow up quickly and learn things the hard way. I know Crystal had Cameron at a really young age which I can't imagine. Having a baby is life changing. I can't imagine going thru what Crystal or Amy or any other young and single mom has gone thru.
So I am turning over a new leaf. I have prayed God will help me. I hate to gossip, especially when its a friend. I have decided not to gossip about anyone. Unless its good gossip, meaning commenting someone about someone else. In the end someone always gets hurt and I don't want guilt weighing on my shoulders anymore.
Do I think she's having an affair with Dr. Williams? No. If she were is it my business? No. She does have a new boyfriend and I am happy for her. She's seems happy with the relationship, but sad at the same time. Which brings me to my other thoughts.
Ever since Amy started working for Dr. Williams I have been somewhat envious of her. For one reason or another. Mostly because she has my old job. I know I have mentioned it before, but its hard to come back to a job I once did and be somewhat at a lower position. I am only there 2 days a week so obviously I don't have the responsibilities I once had. But for whatever reason I have been so caught up with Amy doing what I have done.
Well, the past couple of days Amy has really been down because she has to work full time to support herself and baby and pay her rent etc...and she doesn't get to see her baby that much. I would be devastated not to see Olivia for days on end. Her soon to be ex has her all day since she has to work during the day. When she does see her its every other weekend and occasionally thru the week. I got to thinking how stupid I have been for being jealous of Amy. Why? She probably is jealous of me that I get to spend each day with Olivia and see her do all the things she does and be with her all the time. I feel bad for Amy (I know I have wrote that a couple times now) I feel bad for talking so much about Olivia, but Olivia is my world. She is the only thing I WANT to talk about!
So that is another thing I have been thinking about. You always want what you can't have. However, I've learned I have what I have always wanted. I have a beautiful baby, loving husband and wonderful family. What more could someone want? I am so grateful for everything God has blessed us with. I am not going to compare myself to anyone else or be jealous because Amy is working full time and can afford to buy new clothes or shoes all the time like I used to! I have something much more valuable than new clothes or shoes, I have a precious daughter to raise and love and care for.
3 comments:
Oh Carebear! What a good post this is! Oh girl, I know about how hard it is not to get sucked into the gossip at that place! It's terrible! It's an office with all women who are very competitive.......it sucked me in too as you know. Good for you for seeing what it did to you and deciding to rely on the Lord to help you stop! THAT IS AWESOME! We have all gotten sucked into this kind of stuff before and it's very hard to stop but it can be done. That's awesome that you are looking at Amy and your situation and hers in a different light. I agree with everything you said......and Amy is very Blessed to have you as her friend. You got sucked into the rumors but you realized it and apologized and are changing the behavior, who could ask for a better friend than one who admits her mistakes and apologizes for them. Not too many people do that. I am very proud of you girl!!!! LOVE YOU LOTS!!!!
Wow what a post. I think it is wonderful that you have seen what you don't like about yourself and are trying to change it. Good for you. There is nothing wrong with talking about Olivia all the time,she is your world and you can't change Amy's situation. We all need a reminder once in a while of the blessings we have, I think your post will remind all of us to count those blessings. Thank you!
Oh sweet carrie. You are such a doll.
It is human nature to want to hear that bad stuff. Just as you were writing it, I was wanting to hear more...is she having it...did carrie end up catching them...I thought. I didn't know the end of the story would be you deciding it was not your business....SM.
Just as it is natural, it is wrong and I am very impressed that you have done something about it. Gossip is one of the most fun things in the world for me...it is like getting drunk for other people. Not the making it up part but hearing about people's lives. The problem is that it goes from innocent talk to destructive very quickly.
One thing i absolutely hate about women is how we want what we don't have. What is up with that? I am all worried about my body and it's size and people as small as you are worried about their bodies and their size. it is all so odd!
Rich people worry about money etc. We all can see how ridiculous it is to want more when it is other people who are doing the wanting. Being with olivia is doing as much for her as it is for you. The truth is that your friends baby will not be as confident and content being seperated not only from her mpther but from both of her parents and going through this divorce. She will have a different life than Olivia even if she happens to be wearing designer clothes along the way.
We as moms HAVE to do the best thing for our children and you being hoem almost all the time is probably best for O. I mean, you won;t miss anything. That is like winning the lottery.
If you fall off the wagon and start to gossip again, don't beat yourself up, just remind yourself of the pain it can cause others. I know Gossip just in my family has killed me before. I have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut several times a minute!!!
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